three lists

Things That Aren’t, Per Se, Funny
Sky. Tree. Soil. Earth. Love. Water. Eagle. Sunset. River. Tears. Sighs. Grief. Heartbreak. A garden. A brick wall. Masonry, the trade. Masonry, the word. A monastery. Windows. Hedges. Atheism. Laughter. Tinkling of silverware and coffee cups. Merriment. Baskets of fresh-picked strawberries. One’s niece. The sports section of the newspaper. Lust. An automobile. The human hand. A quiet but pervasive sense of regret. Shame. Tedium. Success. Retirement. Surgery. Money. Appetite. Hypnotism. Religion. Promises. Sudden and consuming anger.

Things That Are Sort of Funny
Fingernails. Bananas. Eyeballs. Questions. Forks. Skirts. Slingshots. Spittle. A fist. A medicine ball. Bugs. Every kind of ball. Anything made of rubber. Collections of things that are not in the same class or category. A single drop of water balanced on the end of a spoon. Some of the words that rhyme with “spoon.” Things that give birth to things that are exactly like themselves or entirely different from themselves. Sex. Eyeglasses. Fancy hairdos. The word “haircut.” Hats. Rivulets of spume. Agnosticism. Barnacles.

Things That Are Funny
Anything that can be described as “floppy.” Anything related to poop, or that has poop on it, or that can be said to smell of poop. Almost all single-syllable words that have “oo” or “u” in the middle of them (esp. goob, dude, boob, lewd). The human nose. Pop Tarts. Tarts in general; things that rhyme with “tart.” Kidney pies. The ball peen hammer. Eggs. Toes. Ice sculpture. Hemorrhoids. Monkeys that, through advances in science, have been made incredibly small. Names that sound like words (“Hamburglar”). Songs about food. Any combination of the above (floppy toes, a ball peen hammer that smells of poop, and so forth).